Two years later, it was a warm spring day. My best friend Madison was over and we sat at the computer desk in my living room. I was in seventh grade and we were on MySpace and doing those silly quizzes that told you what character you were most like from "Hannah Montana". The back door was open and you could hear the birds chirping. My mom walked into the living room while wiping the tear from her left cheek. She said she had been going through some of my mommoms things and she stumbled upon three envelopes. Each envelope had a name on it. My name, my sister Andreas name, and my poppops name who had passed just earlier that year. She opened the letters thinking my mommom had stuffed them with pictures but when she opened it, she was surprised. There were not pictures in the envelopes, there were hand written letters.
My mom handed me my letter. I just sat there with it in my hands. I wasn't sure what to expect, I wasn't sure if I was ready to read it. The top was torn open from where my mom opened it, my name was big and bold in black pen. It was weird to see her handwriting after the time had passed. I had to read it, this is what she wanted. So I pulled the letter from the envelope and unfolded the paper. Inside, my mommom had placed a picture. I recognized myself instantly, I was in second grade. The letter was dated in 2002 which would have placed me in second grade. The letter started off just as any other letter, 'Ashley,'. As I read the letter, I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face. She had written the letters when she was first diagnosed with Ovarian/Cervical cancer.
She wrote in her letter how she was so proud of me and loved me so much. She wrote about me, the way she saw me. And that is something so special for me to see. I got to see how the most amazing woman in my life saw me. But she wrote to me through that letter her very last words to me. Those were things she knew she needed me to know. Her letter brought back some sad feelings but it also brought me feelings of relief. The little spot in my heart that ached every day filled up. Her letter brought me the closure I needed with her passing.
I believe that getting those last words were a crucial part of my healing. I'm not quite sure how different my life would have been if my mom never found that letter, or I i decided to not read it yet. But one thing I know for sure is that I'm glad I did. Having those last words are something that I will forever cherish close to my heart. But getting those last words don't always have to be with the passing of a family member, or friend. It could be those last words that were left unspoken after the messy brake up you had in high school or those last goodbyes before your best friend left for school across the country.
Last words, regardless if they are good or heartbreaking, I feel are a necessary process to moving forward with your life. Those last words give your soul and mind the closure to move forward and not have any worries or thoughts about what would have or could have been different. They give you a peace of mind of hearing exactly what that person knew they needed to say to you.