This past semester in my Composition I class, I learned a lot about what writing processes and techniques I benefit most from. I learned about revision techniques and specific processes to help with the writing of essays. Although I feel I have learned a lot and have written good essays, I feel that I did not stand up to my goals this semester. I feel I kind of let myself slip from my work, especially my blogs. I know that I could have worked harder or put more effort into my work than I did. I feel under accomplished and feel poorly about the way I preformed the second half of the semester. In my next English classes, I will definitely use the techniques and processes I learned in this class to help with my future writing.
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Here I will post my first rough draft of my This I Argue essay. Revisions will come in a later post. Enjoy! Hunger in The United States
Envision yourself falling asleep with a rumbling stomach, or knowing you cannot provide enough food for your children. “A Place at the Table”, a documentary about the hunger issues in the United States. According to the film, about 50 million people in American are starving. The documentary shows the struggles three families face with hunger issues. The problem America is facing due to it's hunger issues is made of many components but those most important being the food insecurity some families face, food assistance programs, and the fine line between starvation and obesity. Food insecurity is defined as “the state of being without reliable access to a sufficient quantity of affordable, nutritious food.” As Americans, when we think of food insecurity we think of poor countries and with malnourished children. When in fact, we face these problems in our own backyards. “A Place at the Table” tells the story of two families struggling with food insecurity. First, we are introduced to Rosie who is a fifth grader. Rosie explains the hunger she faces on a daily basis and how on occasion she imagines her classmates and teachers as fruits. Rosies' family is unable to afford much food, and that of which they can afford is processed, unhealthy foods. And although Rosies' family partakes in a food assistance program where Rosies' teacher, Leslie, delivers bags of food to their home. We tend to overlook the fact that many communities in our country face troubles accessing healthy and affordable food for their families. As stated by the documentary “the United States ranks worse among the IMF's Advanced Economy countries on food security.” (A Place at the Table). Charities have become a huge part in helping those in need, but a charity can only do so much, and help for so long. As a country, we need to take a stand and provide the proper help for these families. Barbie, a single mother of two living in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania explains the struggles she faces feeding her children with the help of a food assistance program called SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program). She explains how difficult it was for her to qualify for SNAP to provide food for her children. Because she made a single dollar above the cut off line, she was denied assistance. She shows how emotional it was to wonder how her children were going to eat that night. When she did qualify for SNAP, she travels over sixty miles one way to the grocery store so she can purchase the best food she can for her children. One out of every two children in the United States will have the aid of a federal food assistance program (A Place at the Table). In the United States, we think of starving children to be malnourished, under weight, all skin and bones. But who gets to classify what is hunger and what is not? Our country has slightly recognized this when President Obama signed the bill “The Healthy, Hunger Free Kids Act”. This bill created a six cent increase per meal over the span of ten years that would amount to 4.5 billion dollars. But this increase in school meals, took away from the food assistance programs. Obesity and hunger share a very thin line. When thinking about obesity we think of over weight people who eat more food then they should. But in reality of it all, those who suffer from obesity, are filling their bodies with processed, unhealthy foods. Since 1980 the price of healthy foods have risen 40%, and the prices of processed, unhealthy foods have decreased 40% (A Place at the Table). This price change has forced families that have limited amount of resources for food to but foods that are cheaper, which leads to more processed and unhealthy foods. We meet a little girl, Tremonica in “A Place at the Table” who is a second grader that suffers from asthma and health issues due to her weight. Tremonica lives in the Mississippi Delta which is known for being a food dessert. Food that is widely available to her family is mainly processed food. And when Tremonicas mother goes food shopping, she is looking to get the most for her money so she can feel secure in feeding her child every night. Hunger on the other hand, is left to no one persons decision. Tremonica may be eating every night, but her body is not absorbing the right nutrients and vitamins for her to lead a healthy lifestyle. The United States needs to open its eyes and focus on the issues that we deal with on our own land. We are neglecting children to become the next great generation just by simply denying them access to healthy and affordable food. We need to take a stand against hunger and improve the younger generations because they are the future of our world. In this post, I will be referring to my This I Wonder Essay and why I chose certain scenes to incorporate in my essay. “10, 9, 8,” I heard Taylor start the countdown
“Am I really going to do this? Am I really about to jump?” I wondered as I stood 5 feet from the edge of a 60 foot cliff. I wanted to start my essay off on this because I feel that it really grabs the attention of my audience to keep them intrigued with my essay. “Holy f&@*” Sean and Thomas said almost in unison. They were the first two at the top and were looking over the edge. If you thought it was overwhelming to look at the cliffs from across the quarry, imagine how intimidating it was to be looking down from the top. We bickered at each other about who would jump first. I wanted to include this scene because I feel it sets in the reality my group of friends and I felt as we stood on top of the massive cliff. It brings the audience closer to the emotions felt by all of us at the time. “10, 9, 8,” I heard Taylor start the countdown “Am I really going to do this? Am I really about to jump? How could I have let those drunk idiots convince me to do this?” I wondered as I stood 5 feet from the edge of a 60 foot cliff. I wanted to provide this insight to my thoughts because I wanted to provide the audience with a piece of not only what was being said aloud, but what was also going through my head. The free fall was exhilarating. I couldn't scream, I couldn't breathe, I was just falling. This line I feels brings that finalizing moment to my audience as they can imagine how I felt as I fell through the air into the unknown. I stood at the top of that cliff and doubted myself. My mind told me I didn't have the courage or strength to overcome that fear of jumping. But I did and I have never been so proud of myself. It was one of the most terrifying, but at the same time the most exhilarating experience of my life. This excerpt is important to me because it brings to attention what jumping meant to me in the end. I would compare my writing process to moving into a new house. It starts out with a plan of how to pack and a date to move. But once the packing gets started and boxes start moving from house to house, things get chaotic. Now once all of the boxes have been moved from one house to another, it's time to organize those boxes and put them in the right rooms. Once that is done, you must unpack them and find the right spot in that room to house that item. And it's not until the very last box is unpacked that you relieve yourself from that chaos. I think that relates a lot to my writing because it always starts out as a topic and a due date. Then comes the brainstorming and the jotting down. Next moving the ideas and thoughts you brainstormed into paragraphs. Once those paragraphs are formed, they are moved around and revised, added too and deleted from to get that perfect paragraph. And that's when you find the perfect places for that word or that quote and when it's all finished, you have a beautiful paper.
This I Believe: Writing Process
Sabatino: Can you describe the scene(s) where you wrote the This I Believe (TIB) essay. Be descriptive. Is this sustainable? Writer: It actually took my a lot of time to really decide on what I wanted to write my This I Believe Essay on. When I was at home, I did a little free write for most of my topics and chose the one I felt most connected too, I wanted one I felt the strongest about. I first started jotting notes down, where ever I was if there was something I noticed or remembered about that day. When it was time to get down to the nitty gritty, I knew my writing would be tragic, so I started by jotting down random sentences together in paragraph form on Word. When that was finished, I read through it and made the appropriate adjustments for my first draft. After my first draft was produced, I used methods and techniques taught in class to expand my writing and used them for my second draft which I wrote while sitting in my bedroom with country music coming through the headphones. Sabatino: You wrote a blog post about six strategies to become a better writer. Have you used those strategies when blogging and writing the TIB essay? Please discuss which of these strategies helped you the most when you wrote your TIB essay? Writer: Yes in my Do I Have What It Takes To Become A Better Writer? post I believe that I use most of those strategies to better improve my writing, especially through my This I Believe Essay but also through my blogging. I feel I use the first three (brainstorming, believing in my first shitty draft, and reread, delete, repeat) more than the last three (have someone look over your work, use the criticism and critique to your advantage and rewrite again, and publish your work) because I am still new to sharing my work and getting the opinions of others that I hesitate to ask my family or friends to take a look at my work. Although I have started to come around to the idea of sharing my work and publishing my work on my website. Sabatino: Describe your process for writing and revising the TIB essay (freewrite, list, found poem, etc.). What helped you the most? Writer: I really enjoyed writing the lists. I wrote both the 10 Titles of My Life and 10 Things I Love and Hate. I think they really helped me to narrow down times in my life that have had a strong impact on my life or things that I truly do love and hate. I also highly enjoyed freewriting because it was very natural and comfortable but messy all at the same time. Sabatino: How has the blog impacted your writing process? Writer: I think blogging has impacted my writing in a positive way. I used to keep a journal that I would write in, draw in, or even paste small little things in it, but I kinda just stopped one day and really haven't picked it back up. It's nice to have an outlet to write. Even though it isn't on a very personal level, it's still nice to see the progress of my work through the revisions and exercises between revisions. Sabatino: Please share your thoughts about the revision techniques we've used in this course (peer review, show and tell, five senses, found poem, etc.) Writer: I honestly think that being able to sort my essay into a showing section and a telling section really helped me to break down my essay and give it a really good look through. I was able to see the contrasting I had going on in my essay and I feel that really helped me to put together a plan to revise for my draft 2. I also liked the found poem because it was an interested way to see the most important words throughout your essay into short sentences and phrases. Sabatino: What specific revisions have you made to your TIB essay? Writer: I have added and deleted passages, sentences, and little things. Sure, those are the most common revisions made but I have also changed my surroundings when revising my essay. I thought that maybe a different genre of music will help me produce the right vibe I want to give off, or if I sit in my dining room I may be more productive and more focused versus being in my bedroom. Sabatino: What is your plan for future revisions to your TIB essay? Writer: I'd really like to break it down even further and expand on not only what led up to my belief but also why my belief is very important to my heart and why I feel everyone deserves that chance. Sabatino: We have used a farming metaphor to conceptualize a sustainable writing process. What metaphor would you use to illustrate your writing process thus far? Writer: I would compare my writing process to moving into a new house. It starts out with a plan of how to pack and a date to move. But once the packing gets started and boxes start moving from house to house, things get chaotic. Now once all of the boxes have been moved from one house to another, it's time to organize those boxes and put them in the right rooms. Once that is done, you must unpack them and find the right spot in that room to house that item. And it's not until the very last box is unpacked that you relieve yourself from that chaos. I think that relates a lot to my writing because it always starts out as a topic and a due date. Then comes the brainstorming and the jotting down. Next moving the ideas and thoughts you brainstormed into paragraphs. Once those paragraphs are formed, they are moved around and revised, added too and deleted from to get that perfect paragraph. And that's when you find the perfect places for that word or that quote and when it's all finished, you have a beautiful paper. This I Believe: Writing Product Sabatino: What is your belief statement (word-for-word)? Writer: My belief is that every person should have the blessing to experience the last words. Sabatino: Do you think your belief statement grabs the audience’s attention? Why? Writer: Yes, because I think there are people that can relate to my experience and my thoughts and emotions because they share similar experiences with me. Sabatino: What is your scene? Writer: My scene takes place on a warm spring day where I find out my mom-mom, who had passed 2 years previous, had written me a letter for when she was gone. Sabatino: How does your scene illustrate your belief? Writer: My scene illustrates my belief because I first had experiences the last words. Sabatino: What questions do you have for me about your TIB essay? Writer: Two questions I have: 1. What is an appropriate length for an essay of this topic? 2. How do we go about having our essays published once done with the finishing stages? Personal Website Sabatino: Discuss your experiences with creating and maintaining a website for this course? Writer: I have had a great experience with my website. I love how independent it is and how you have many outlets to show your own creativity. It is a great tool to develop now because I think they will help in the future to have an online portfolio of my work to share with a future employer. Sabatino: Do you think your site is organized and easy to navigate? Writer: Yes, I think my site is organized and also easy to navigate. Sabatino: What type of identity have you constructed through your site? Writer: I want to construct an identity that informs people of the depth I can take my writing and that my writing comes from the soul, it's not a bunch of BS thrown together. Personal Blog Sabatino: What are your thoughts about creating and maintaining a blog? Is your blog organized and easy to navigate? Writer: At first, I was a little skeptical about blogging because I was not too familiar with it, but through our draft revisions and small exercises I have become comfortable with blogging and I think it has become much easier to navigate then when I first started! Sabatino: What are your thoughts about blogging? Please consider the public, social network nature of a blog as well as your initial thoughts in the beginning of the semester as compared to now. Writer: At first, I was excited to share my thoughts with any and everyone in the world, but at this stage of my writing I feel there is more I can expand and improve on before I know that my writing is ready to be read by the world. I want to produce something good, and solid. Something that will keep my readers coming back to check my blog for new posts and I think that will take more time and experience and practice until I am there yet. Questions for Midterm Conference Sabatino: Parting comments? Questions for me? Writer: I would like to end this post with what grade I feel I deserve at midterm. I don't feel that I have earned an A because my writing is a little weak and my blogging at first was a little rough. But I do feel that I have earned a B because I have taken the assignments and exercises seriously. I know there is work to be done, and I plan to make those improvements through the rest of the semester! Here I will answer six questions on my This I Believe Essay draft.
Q. Who are the characters in your story? A. The characters in my story consist of my mommom, and myself. Q. What is your belief? A. My belief is that I feel everyone should have the blessing to read or hear those last words. Q. When does your story take place? A. My story takes place on a warm spring day when I was in 7th grade. Q. Where does your story take place? A. My story takes place at the computer desk in my living room. Q. Why does your story take place? A. My story takes place because my mommom had written letters years before passing for someone to find. Q. How does your story shape your belief? A. My story shapes my belief because I was fortunate enough to experience those last words and my life was changed by that. Everyone has a different view and a different opinion on what it takes to become a better writer. But at the end of the day, does it really matter that your opinions or views differs from theirs? No, absolutely not. My personal opinion of a 'better writer' is a writer who is completely satisfied and confident in their work, someone who has shown struggle but also progress throughout their work. Do I believe that people can become 'better writers'? Yes, 100% yes. Becoming a better writer doesn't just take time but experience. Writers need the experience of writing the first shitty draft, to get those initial feelings and thoughts down, and feeling content with their work. But what comes next is the progress you will see in those writers to gain their confidence and their strength as a writer. After writing the first draft, go back through it with a fine tooth comb, ask a friend, a relative, or even a peer or colleague to read over it. A new set of eyes is always a great thing. You have typed and deleted and typed again and this view on your paper is so engraved in your mind that you see it only one way. This fresh look at your paper can open up new ideas for you to expand or spice up your writing.
I believe anyone can become a better writer with these six simple and easy steps: 1. Brainstorm- It sounds silly, doesn't it? But brainstorming is the best way to jot all your thoughts and feelings down in the most organize chaotic way. Take a piece of computer paper and start with your topics or main points of interest and follow from there. Everything will start to come naturally once you get the ball rolling. Don't be afraid to write something down because it sounds silly or foolish, write it anyway! 2. Believe in your first shitty draft- Sure, it's not going to be something you will see in the New York Times but it is SOMETHING. Remind yourself that this is just the start. Don't start freaking out because you rambled on, embrace that for the moment. There's a reason it is called the first draft! 3. Reread, delete, repeat- Reread your first draft, delete the things you feel are not necessary, and reread again. It is always a great thing to reread your writing after making adjustments because maybe you'll realize that the sentence you deleted, just might work now because of something else you got rid of. Or maybe you see a sentence that needs to be reworded to make the piece flow better. Don't look down on your writing throughout doing this, look at this as another step towards making yourself a better writer. 4. Have someone look over your work- Yes, it is going to feel uncomfortable because what if they don't like it or what if they do like it but they critique the whole thing? The best way to better ourselves as writers is to get feedback from an outsiders perspective, after all we are writing for an audience, right? 5. Use the criticism and critique to your advantage and rewrite again- Maybe your mom was a little harsh when she said it needed more work but you will thank her for that in the long run. Don't look at the criticism as a bad thing, look at it as a way to progress. Sit down and ask her for specific details of your work, perhaps one part was a little wish washy and hard to follow. Ask for suggestions and any advice they can offer. Take this and get back to writing. Use these suggestions to fix those areas. 6. PUBLISH YOUR WORK- The best way to better yourself as a writer is to just put it out there. Publish your work on a website or in a magazine and wait for the feedback. You may get awesome reviews from people who absolutely loved it and you may get reviews of people who hated it. But again, don't let that get you down. Your audience will range from men to female, young to older, they will be of different ethnicities and have different views but this is what is most important about putting your work out there. You are writing for your audience, take their feedback with stride and use it for your next work. You will gain much more experience and knowledge of your writing through this. Distractions, distractions, distractions. We live in a world full of them. So how do we sit down to write a fictional piece when we are bothered by the distractions of reality? Distractions come in a range of forms. For example here are a list of daily distractions in my life.
1. My cat- Yes she is very cute and cuddly but when I sit down at my desk to start writing I can't help but to bend down and pet her when she starts rubbing against my legs and meowing. 2. My younger siblings- I have three younger sisters, my youngest two being 12 and 6. So needless to say there isn't very much quiet time around here. If they aren't yelling or bickering at each other, they are running around and laughing at the tops of their lungs. 3. The every day chores- We come home from work or class and immediately start thinking of the things we must accomplish. Like putting the dishes in the dishwasher, folding the laundry that has been sitting in the dryer all day or the fact that you still have not showered since the day before. 4. My social media networks- Now a days everyone is on at least one social network whether it be Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, or Tumblr. I receive a notification that someone has requested me as a friend so I go to accept and before I know it I have gone to 12 different profiles, looked through over 200 pictures, played Candy Crush and it is now two hours later. Distractions in reality keep us from channeling our creative side, it keeps us from putting elements of fiction into our writing because our minds are so focused on reality. Here are a few solutions I believe will help writers to better express themselves fictionally. 1. Find a quiet area- Go to your local library or find a quiet cubby in your school library to sit and work. Get away from others that will call your attention away from your work and the daily chore thoughts. Sitting at the library will take your mind off the dishes in the sink and the laundry in the dryer. Since it is not easily accessible at the moment, it won't be on your mind as much. 2. Put your phone on silent and put it face down- Not seeing your screen light up every time you get a text message or a notification will minimize your need to constantly check your phone. And this will result in less time spent away from your work! 3. Turn the internet off on your computer- Most people write on your laptops and can easily be distracted by the fact they have the internet easily accessible. Maybe you decided it's time to look into the prices of that trip to Mexico you've wanted to take for the past two years. Turning your internet off will keep more of your attention on your word processor and less of it on your internet. |